Tag Archives: laughy

That Talky Laughy Random Fing Episode 8

To read That Talky Laughy Random Fing from the beginning, click here.

To read the last episode, click here.

THE STORY SO FAR: Howard Richy falls in love with the… Erm… fit Linda Maizen. James Mattinson has a throat condition, possibly caused by moaning too much, but… Linda turns out to be a cow and she storms out. James lets slip about Friday’s upcoming court case with Lee Martin. The ever so brilliant Adam Witz is on his way home, which is vital to Friday’s plan. Howard let’s slip about James’ marriage to Cathy Soccorso.

FRIDAY EIFFLE          CALLING          CATHY SOCCORSO
               Hello?
     Hi, Cathy. It’s Friday.
               Friday? Erm… I’m not actually supposed to be talking to you.
     Yeah, but you are.
               Friday… look…
     Cathy, I’m guessing your dad heard about James then.
               Heard? Friday, that guy annpunced it on live television. It’s all over the news.
     Yeah, that wasn’t James’ fault. A lots going on at the moment. And Howard’s a nightmare as it is.
               How did he even find out?
     I dunno. Howard has his ways. Cathy is your dad there?
               Friday, I don’t think…
     Oh, come on Cathy. I can’t make it any worse.
               Well, you can.
     Please, Cathy. I promise I will do my amazing bestest to be amazing.
               Friday…
     Please.
               Fine, Friday but be carefull…
     I will

Friday glanced up at James and grinned. James smiled feebly back.

               Hello?
     Hello, Mr Soccorso.
               Who is this?
     My name’s Friday Eiffle. I’m a friend of Cathy’s. I was at the wedding. I asked where you were but there was no answer.
               Friday Eiffle? How do you know Cathy?
     Research. I’m a writer. Cathy helped me wirg one of my novels.
               Wait, aren’t you a friend of that Mattinson.
     Through Cathy, yeah.
               Why have I never heard of you before?
     You probably have, you just don’t remember. Friday’s not one of those names you remember.
               Actually, I think it’s exactly one of those name’s I’d remember.
     I suppose. I’ve never really thought of it like that.
               Didn’t you ever realise it’s one of the most strange names in the world.
     Well, no. My parent’s wern’t very good with names. There was always a reason the name they picked was bad.
               Erm, Friday?
     Do you want to know what was weird about Cathy?
               What’s weird about my Cathy?
     Not your Cathy. About the name Cathy.
               Oh, well, actually…
     It means pure and it comes from Greece. But anyway, Cathy was my grandma’s cat’s name.
               Ok.
     And it would be weird now, wouldn’t it?
               Why?
     Because my name would be Cathy and your daughter’s name would be Cathy too. We’d be having a conversation about the name Cathy and then we’d start talking about Cathy and we wouldn’t know where one conversation ended and the other began, would we?
               Well, that would be a bit confussing.
     Yeah, does Cathy like the name?
               Yeah, I suppose.
     Do you know what the name Freddy means?
               No, what does it mean?
     Don’t know. I know what the name James means though.
               Go on then.
     It means Supplanter.
               What?
     Supplanter. That means someone who illegally takes the land from someone else.
               Oh.
     That’s not very good, is it? I suppose it could meanhim taking Cathy from you.
               It could.
     Well, it depends how many times he wrongfully takes something. Because if its only once then it’s not Cathy because he already stole the music from Adam. He’s my other friend. He was in jail in some country no one’s heard of, but coming back soon.
               Oh.
     And he can’t have stolen Cathy, anyway, can he?
               Why not?
     Because they’ve been married for, like, two months now and Cathy’s still living with you and she’s not run off with James.
               I suppose.
     Yeah.
               Is James with you now?
     Now, he ran off when I told you what supplanter means. I think he’s gone to be sick. He’s scared of you. He thinks you’re going to kill him.
               He should be so lucky. No, Friday, I’d like to meet him.
     That would be a good idea.
               Can I make an agreement with you?
     Yeah.
               Tommorow, at half four, in Avon Cue, you know the place?
     Yeah. Am you paying or am I? It’s expensive.
               I’ll pay, don’t worry. I’ll bring Cathy. You bring James. I’ll bring no on else. Ok?
     Yeah, that’s cool.
               Friday… What’s your second name?
     Eiffle.
               Ok, Friday Eiffle. Tommorow at half four. Don’t be late.
     Bye.

Friday hung up the phone and smiled, satisfied with her work. Now there was only one other person she needed to sort out.

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That Talky Laughy Random Fing Episode 7

To read That Talky Laughy Random Fing from the beginning, click here.

To read the last episode, click here.

THE STORY SO FAR: Howard Richy falls in love with the… Erm… fit Linda Maizen. James Mattinson has a throat condition, possibly caused by moaning too much, but… Linda turns out to be a cow and she storms out. James lets slip about Friday’s upcoming court case with Lee Martin and she also storms out, so James kindly takes her to the chip shop. The ever so brilliant Adam Witz is on his way home, which is vital to Friday’s plan…

That’s Today is a lunchtime TV show run on the same channel as That Talky Laughy Random Fing. It discusses topics of the day, the newspapers and invites celebraties on to talk about their latest work.
James was invited on, mainly because there was no one else. His slot was prime time, right after the woman who’s boobs wouldn’t stop growing and righ before the viewer competition winner was announced.

LILAC: And now we go to our celebrity guest, it’s Mr James Mattinson!
DOMINIC: Good afternoon, James.
JAMES: Hello.
LILAC: Do legends like yourself normally say hello?
DOMINIC: Ignore her. She’s a bit star struck.
LILAC: Too right. You’re absolutly amazing, although Dom don’t think so.
DOMINIC: I mean, you do everything, don’t you? Music, film, TV. That’s a bit arragent, ain’t it?
LILAC: And real life drama too!
DOMINIC: Yeah, you could have done it a bit more tastefully than letting Howard Richy announce it on TV.
LILAC: You made a lot of young girls sad last night, James.
DOMINIC: At least this one anyway.
LILAC: Cathy Soccorso is one lucky girl. Well, I suppose it’s Cathy Mattinson now, isn’t it?
DOMINIC: I dunno. I think I’d take Soccorso if I were you, mate. I would want to be in your shoes. For any viewers who don’t know, Cathy is the daughter of Freddy Soccorso, that gangster bloke.
LILAC: Ex, Dom, remember. We don’t want any trouble with Mr Soccorso.
DOMINIC: Well, he’s Mr Soccorso now.
LILAC: Who?
DOMINIC: James. And, no offence, mate, but you don’t scare me.
LILAC: Didn’t she take your name?
JAMES: I’m sorry. What, exactly, are you talking about?
LILAC: Well, you and Cathy! Howard announced that you were married on the show last night.
DOMINIC: You did a good job keeping that one quiet, didn’t you? Although, I suppose Freddy Soccorso helped, didn’t he? I mean, he don’t want any paparatzi, does he?
LILAC: That must have been scary, James. When exactly did you find out Freddy Soccorso was her dad.
DOMINIC: Scary? Poor man looks like he’s still mortified. Guessing you had all the usual threats, then?
LILAC: Worse. I’m guessing there’s no chance of an affair then?
DOMINIC: Are you ok?
LILAC: James?
JAMES: I’m… I’m fine.
DOMINIC: So, is there any chance of a family in the future?
JAMES: Not right away.
LILAC: But if you did, would little Friday be a god parent?
JAMES: Well, it would be a possibility.
LILAC: And Adam?
JAMES: No, not Adam.
DOMINIC: How is Friday!
JAMES: She’s amazing. She’s doing… She’s doing great.
LILAC: Is it true you have a new movie coming out?
JAMES: That’s kind of true. It’s Friday’s new project. I think she said it was an experiment. She never told us the findings of it, though. Some bits were scripted, but sometimes there was sn image or an object to centre the scene around.
DOMINIC: So who’s in it?
JAMES: Well, there’s me, and Friday forced Adam into it, too. And then there’s some people who have aready worked with Friday like Robert Cings and Soapy Summers.
LILAC: Well, there you go. A glimpse into the future.
DOMINIC: Ok, we’re going to announce the winner of this month’s competition for, wait for it, fifty thousand pounds!
LILAC: Would you mind drawing the name, James?
JAMES: I suppose I must… ok, here we go. Oh God, I’m not gonna be able to pronounce this now. Ok, it’s Will – I’m so sorry – Carra… Corra… Kayrronico from London. Will Kayrronico from London

“James!” Friday hissed from behind the cameras as soon as they cut to adverts, “James, guess what!”
“Howard told the world about Cathy last night!” James cried, scurrying over, “I think I’m gonna be sick.”
Friday stared at James, unable to speak. He was a dead man walking, and there was nothing he could do about it.
“Ok, ok,” Friday said eventually, “I’m going to phone Cathy, ok? You just stay hete. I’m going to sort it, ok, James?”
James managed to nod, coughed a few times, then sat down.
“Howard’s got a lot of answering to do,” Friday mumbled, “I’m just hoping he hasn’t said anything else.”

That Talky Laughy Random Fing Episode 6

To read That Talky Laughy Random Fing from the beginning, click here.

To read the last episode, click here.

THE STORY SO FAR: Howard Richy falls in love with the… Erm… fit Linda Maizen. James Mattinson has a throat condition, possibly caused by moaning too much, but… Linda turns out to be a cow and she storms out. James lets slip about Friday’s upcoming court case with Lee Martin and she also storms out, so James kindly takes her to the chip shop…

FRIDAY EIFFLE – 1.2
It hit me as soon as I opened the door. His annoying, arrogent, cocky tones could not be mistaken as anything else. I almost smiled. Smiled! Can you believe it! I couldn’t deny he was funny, though. If I did then I was admitting I’d wasted a year of my life on the audio-high that was Lee Martin, which was true.
James hadn’t noticed and was already talking to Mr Kay, the owner, about the week. I tried to distract myself. There was a TV on the wall playing football reruns. I tried to work out what the teams were. Red. That was United. Or Liverpool? Yellow. Who played in yellow?
I couldn’t push the sound of his voice out of my head. The radio was on the counter. I could easily switch it off.
Mr Kay was looking at me now, talking to me, but I couldn’t hear him over Mr Martin. It wasn’t loud, but his voice echoed in my head.
I had to say something.
“Five awards.” I said, forcing a grin.
The radio show jingle came on and James finally heard it.
“Oh, Friday, I didn’t know.” he said.
I was ok, now. The adverts were on and I knew from hours of concentrated listening that they would be on for a while.
“It’s fine,” I insisted, “Good evening, Mr Kay.”
“Good evening, Friday,” Mr Kay said slowly, “Are you ok?”
“Couldn’t be better.” I smiled, “How’s Will?”
“He’s great,” Mr Kay said, nodding towards the radio, “Got his diploma in radio engineering, but Lee’s keeping him in his place.”
I smiled. It wasn’t forced. “I bet he is.”
Will, Mr Kay’s son and Mr Martin’s co-host was forever under Mr Martin’s torment. What was I supposed to do? Claim I hadn’t enjoyed it? I wouldn’t lie.
“Anyway, usual, please.” James said quickly, “We’re not actually supposed to be here. The show’s on air now.”
“But we needed chips.” I added.
Mr Kay grinned and winked at me. I laughed.

***

Adam Witz (@adam81witz) has sent you a direct message on Twitter?
“Guess what! I’m back home 11 tommorow night! That’s if the plane isn’t delayed, or taken over by terrorists. Knowing my luck it will be!”
Reply?

@FridayEiffle: Really? Don’t joke about those things.
@adam81witz: I wasn’t. These things always happen to me. Hey, don’t tell anyone. I don’t want any press.
@FridayEiffle: Like you get press anyway. Can I tell James?
@adam81witz: Believe me. The press is gonna want this story. Yeah, you can tell Mattinson. But make him promise not to tell anyone.
@FridayEiffle: I need to talk to you when you get back. So don’t go picking any fights with terrorists, ok?

That Talky Laughy Random Fing Episode 5

To read That Talky Laughy Random Fing from the beginning, click here.

To read the last episode, click here.

THE STORY SO FAR: Howard Richy falls in love with the… Erm… fit Linda Maizen. James Mattinson has a throat condition, possibly caused by moaning too much, but… Linda turns out to be a cow and she storms out. James lets slip about Friday’s upcoming court case with Lee Martin and she also storms out.

Chapter One

“Friday! Friday, wait!”
The teenager was fast. She never ran, at least not indoors, but her marching was just as fast and James had to jog to keep up. She didn’t slow down and James only caught her in the lift when she finally stopped. Not looking at him, Friday stabbed the button for the underground car park and waited in silence for the doors to close.
“Look, Friday, don’t worry,” James said, “Madison won’t tell anyone. She’s the one who I would trust my life with, other than you.”
“It’s not that you told Madison,” Friday snapped, “And it’s not that you almost started a fight on live television. It’s the fact you seem insistant on causing more issues when I already have enough with Mr Martin and Adam and your Cathy.”
“I don’t mean to, Friday,” James began, but before he could even try to explain, the lift opened and Friday marched out. Before she could reach James’ car in the far corner, he unlocked it with the key fob, allowing her into the front seat.
“You have to teach me to drive when I get my learner’s permit.” she said.
“And not until. Look, Friday. I’m sorry about you and Cathy. I know you don’t like it being a secret but…”
“Cathy’s dad would kill you, I know.” Friday said, “Can you just drive? I need to clear my head. They can do the show without us.”
Carefully, James pulled out of the carpark. Having worked with her since she was thirteen, James knew exactly where Friday wanted to go. He’d never thought to ask why she always went to the same chip shop. Now didn’t really seem to be the time.
“It’s not just your fault, James,” she said after a while of sitting in silence, “I do know that.”
“I’m going to help, Friday,” James insisted, “I promise.”
“I know, James. Thanks, but…”
But. It was Adam. They were a treo, although Adam hated James’ guts and James wasn’t too fond of him either. The man was a lunatic with no sense of self control, but he supported Friday and she liked him.
James stopped at a red light and Friday groaned.
“If I wasn’t such an innocent, law abiding person, I’d tell you to just go right now.” she admitted.
James grinned. “You mean, if you weren’t toeing the line because of Martin?”
“Well, we’re – what? – five yards away.”
“I wouldn’t say five yards.”
“And this red light has been on for half an hour.”
“Half an hour, Friday?”
“Look, I can see the shop.”
James’ face fell. On the passanger side, a car pulled up. The windows were tinted glass but the driver’s window was rolled down in the warm summer night. A fat, bauld, potato shaped head was perched on the driver’s stubby neck. He was focused on the light. James preyed he didn’t turn his head.
“What?” Friday asked, spinning around to look, but James grabbed her before she could see.
“He works for Cathy’s dad.” James whispered.
The lights turned green before potato man turned around and he rolled on while James turned into the chip shop.
“What’s he doing here?” Friday asked.
“Don’t know.” James said, stuck to hus seat. “Don’t like it.”
Friday opened the door and immediatly the smell of chips distracted her from all else.

That Talky Laughy Random Fing Episode 4

To read That Talky Laughy Random Fing from the beginning, click here.

To read the last episode, click here.

THE STORY SO FAR: Howard Richy falls in love with the… Erm… fit Linda Maizen. James Mattinson has a throat condition, possibly caused by moaning too much, but… Linda turns out to be a cow and she storms out.

LEFTY: Linda had to, erm, go, which gives us more time to interview our next guest, Steven Maxon.
JAMES: That’s if I don’t die before he gets out.
HOWARD: Wouldn’t that be shame. I’m going to disappear, because Steven, you’re a clever man, right?
STEVEN: Yeah.
HOWARD: See, that just bores me.
JAMES: Don’t worry, we’re probably better off without him.
LEFTY: Steven, it’s absolutly amazing to have you on the show. I am a huge fan.
STEVEN: Thanks, I’m quite a big fan of you too.
LEFTY: You’re a genius. When did you realise you were a genius?
STEVEN: Well, it started off at school. Most kids had football or music or something. I had my little chemestry set. I was fasinated by how things worked. It was brilliant.
JAMES: So you never had music as a kid?
STEVEN: Well yeah, I had music, but it probably wasn’t the same thing you were listening too.
LEFTY: I dunno. James listened to some weird stuff.
STEVEN: I’ve heard what James listened to and it was nothing like that.
LEFTY: How did we start talking about music? Was science always what you wanted to do?
STEVEN: Yeah… well… yeah. I never thought I’d do science on TV or anything. I thought I’d be in a lab for months, staring at some dirt in a test tube, but I made my way onto TV.
LEFTY: So, how did that actually happen? I know less about this than I do about how to get a music contract. Please explain it to me.
STEVEN: I was doing research for a documentary on bacteria. It was a channel six thing and, I must admit, it wasn’t the most exciting thing in the world. The presenter was a pompus little git.
JAMES: He wouldn’t happen to be related to Linda Maizen, would he?
STEVEN: Well, me and my fellow researchers were, ok we were taking the mickey out of him at the time and the producers saw and…
LEFTY: They just hired you on the spot?
STEVEN: Yeah, well, no one liked this git anyway.
JAMES: I’m sorry, I’m just so intreged by your accent. Where are you from?
STEVEN: Well, I was born in Dumfries, where your friend Adam’s from.
JAMES: No wonder you never listen to good music. Adam can’t make good music either.
STEVEN: But then I moved down to London, so I suppose there’s cockney mixed in there too.
JAMES: It’s weird.
LEFTY: Ok, after the break, we’ll be talking some more with the genius that is Steven Maxom and discovering where exactly Howard Richard has gone to. See you in a minuet.

The claxon sounds just as Howard darts down the stairs.
“You’ll never guess who Steven replaced!” he cries, jumping over the last step, “Lee Martin.”
“Lee Martin,” James says thoughtfully, “Oh…”
James, Lefty and Howard all glance at each other, knowing they can’t talk about Lee. Before the situation becomes awkward, though, Madison bounced on stage, pulling James by the shoulder.
“You know Friday isn’t your personal slave,” she says, “Is that stupid water really this important?”
“Well, yeah,” James admits, “Could you tell her the third bottel’s in my bag if that’s what she’s looking for?”
“She’s not very impressed with you,” Madison says “What does she mean when she says she’s got too much on her plate.”
James glances nervously around, then sighs. For some reason, he knows Madison won’t fall for any of his well thought out lies.
“Ok, you know this Lee Martin bloke?” he says, “The one on the radio? Well, he’s trying to sue Friday. Apparently she stole one of his characters. It’s not true, of course, but he’s threatening to take it to the courts.”
“Oh, I never knew,” Madison whispers, “The poor little thing.”
“Well, she doesn’t want anyone to know so…” James says.
“James, your water,” Friday says, “Now don’t die.”
Before Friday can do anything else, Madison crushes her in a hug, trying to comfert the teenager by telling her that it’s going to be ok. Friday works it out immediatly. She pushes Madison away and glares at Howard.
“Was it you?” she snaps.
“Look how she thinks it’s me!” Howard cries, “Well, it wasn’t! It was James.”
She turns on James and he shrinks away. She opens her mouth to speak, but can’t put her anger into words, so storms out. Howard and Lefty watch her go. James shrugs and goes after her.
“What was that about?” Steven asks.

That Talky Laughy Random Fing Episode 3

To read That Talky Laughy Random Fing from the beginning, click here.

To read the last episode, click here.

THE STORY SO FAR: Howard Richy falls in love with the… Erm… fit Linda Maizen. James Mattinson has a throat condition, possibly caused by moaning too much, but… The talky laughy random fing hosts interview Linda and she turns out to be a… Well, a cow.

And we’re back in five… four… three… two… one…

HOWARD: And welcome back to the Talky Laughy Random Fing.
LEFTY: And we’re here with Linda Maizen!
JAMES: Who stole my water.
LINDA: Aw, James, you’re so adorable.
HOWARD: What are you on about, James?
JAMES: She stole my water.
LINDA: Oh, James, don’t be silly.
HOWARD: You stole his water? Wow! You’re in some deep trouble now.
JAMES: Too right! I have a serious throat condition and-
LEFTY: Lets take a look at one of Linda’s latest songs, shall we. Run the clip.

“What on earth are you lot playing at?” Lefty hisses, “We are live on air, and you pair are arguing with our guest about water?”
“It’s not just the water. It’s the principle of it.” James says, “Look, Linda, I was doing you a favour with this merge thing. Now, slagging off Friday is bad, but stealing a man’s water? I could die!”
“Wait, what’s this about Friday?” Lefty asks.
“She’s just a kid,” Linda says, “I don’t know what the big deal is.”
“The big deal is that ‘kid’ is more of a success in her short fifteen years than you ever will be,” Lefty says.
“She’s an ove advertised freak.” Linda says.
“Look, Linda, love,” Howard says, “I love you, baby, really, but I’m afraid if we can’t work this whole Friday thing out then we can’t be togther.”
“Oh, is that right?” Linda laughs.
Friday hurries down the stairs with James’ bottle of water. Before he can drink it, Linda snatches the bottle from him. Sh splashes it in Howard’s face, then pours the rest onto the floor, before marching off. Friday stares, unable to think of something to say. Madison hops on stage.
“What was all that about?” she asks.
“Whoever finds the guests for this show, I want them fired.” James says darkly. Madison laughs but, James is serious. “She’s an evil cow that woman.”
“We had another bad one last week, too.” Lefty adds.
“I’ll see what we can do,” Madison says, “In the mean time, can we try and keep this professional. This is a show, not a pub.”
“Yeah, you shouldn’t have brought it up, James.” Friday says coldly, “I’ve already got enough on my plate without some jumped up spoilt brat trying to ruin the show.”

LEFTY: Wow, that was… that was…
HOWARD: Something.
LEFTY: Yeah, that was something. James, what song was that?
JAMES: “Too bad for words”? Or “My voice is awful”? Niether one is very good.

That Talky Laughy Random Fing Episode 2

To read That Talky Laughy Random Fing from the beginning, click here.

LAST TIME: Howard Richy bigs up Producer Friday’s award. Howard Richy falls in love with the… Erm… fit Linda Maizen. James Mattinson has a throat condition, possibly caused by moaning too much, but…

And we’re back in 5… 4… 3… 2… 1…

HOWARD: Welcome back to That Talky Laughy Random Fing. Today we are here with the beautiful, amazing, gorgous, wonderful…
LEFTY: Howard!
HOWARD: It’s Linda Maizen!
STUDIO AUDIENCE CONTROL: Clap! Louder!
HOWARD: Thanks for coming.
JAMES: Thanks for not drinking my water.
LINDA: You’re welcome, I think.
HOWARD: Ok, I’m going to dive straight in with some questions. What’s your phone number?
LINDA: laughing You’re so funny.
HOWARD: No, I wasn’t kidding. Linda, you are beautiful and I want to make beautiful love to you.
LEFTY: We did warn you.
HOWARD: So, you’re a singer, right? Did nobody tell you that you were beautiful when you started out?
LINDA: I have been told once or twice.
HOWARD: You started out on YouTube, right?
LINDA: Yeah.
HOWARD: Oh, wow. That’s another thing we have in common. Because I was found on the internet too.
LINDA: Really?
LEFTY: Really?
HOWARD: Yeah! I made some of the best porn movies on the web. It’s the only way James gets through every day… Wait! I’m not allowed to say that! That’s not true. Well, it might be, but I have no evidence that it is true.
LINDA: Why aren’t you allowed to say that?
HOWARD: Oh, James is on some break from relationships or something like that.
JAMES: No, it’s just from girls.
HOWARD: So, you wouldn’t mind if me and you had a quick… You know, later.
JAMES: No, Howard, I am not going to fill your sex needs, Howard.
LEFTY: Anyway, getting back to Linda. You started off on YouTube and then what? Did, like, Justin Timberlake offer you a recording contract or what? Sorry, I’ve no idea how this works.
JAMES: Clearly.
LINDA: No, what happened was a recording company spotted me on YouTube and suggeste that I made an album. They didn’t offer me a contract or anything, but they said I would be good. I had to pay, or more Daddy had to pay for the first album.
LEFTY: But you more than made your money back. It’s a best seller now, isn’t it?
LINDA: With a littl endorsement, yeah.
JAMES: You’re welcome.
HOWARD: Was it your mum or your dad?
LINDA: What?
HOWARD: Which one was the model? Or were they both models? They had to be to make something that looks as good as you.
LINDA: Aw, thank you.
LEFTY: Don’t be fooled. He’s not really this sweet in real life.
LINDA: Actually, my mum was a model. I thought I was going to go down the same career path, until I discovered I could sing.
HOWARD: Do you have any model photos or something?
LINDA: Yes.
HOWARD: Can I have them?
LEFTY: Are you sure you’re ok with this? Because we can lock him up or something if you feel unsafe…
LINDA: No, it’s fine.
HOWARD: Because you are very sexy, Linda. Are you doing any sexy moves in your performance later? Because I wouldn’t mind watching that.
LINDA: What? With James?
HOWARD: With James?
LINDA: Yeah, we’re doing a collaberation thing. My lyrics, his music.
HOWARD: Well, that’s just ruined it.
LEFTY: Well, we’ll be continuing this meaningful discussion right after the break.

The claxon sounds. Friday hurries down the stairs with a polystyrene cup of water which she hands to Linda. Linda snatches the cup and gulps down the water.
“This is disgusting,” Linda snaps, “It tastes as if you fished it out of a toilet.”
“Hey, you can’t talk to her like that,” James calls from across the stage, marching over, “That’s Friday Eiffle.”
“I don’t care if it’s the Queen,” Linda says, snatching the bottle from James. He goes to grab it but she takes it out of his reach. “To me, you’re just a little kid with a stupid name who can’t get the right kind of water.” She takes a sip from the bottle and smiles. “This is actually quite nice. Where do you get this from?”
“Germany.” James says weakly, “Can I have it back?”
“No.”
“Leave it James.” Friday says, “I’ll get your other one for.you. There’s more coming tommorow, ain’t there?”
On the other side of the stage, Howard and Lefty are sat. Lefty is trying to distract Howard from Linda, but it’s not working, until Howard remembers he had some questions he had to ask.
“Why’s there so much stuff I can’t talk about?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, James and his relationship thing,” Howard began, but Lefty starts to explain before he’s finished.
“That’s just James being stupid,” he says, “That’s not that much, is it, Howard? I’m sure you can cope with that much, can’t you?”
“But what about Friday and that Lee bloke?” Howard asks.
“Shh…” Lefty hisses, “How did you find out about that?”
“James told me,” Howard says simply, “He said I.couldn’t tell anyone.”
“Well you can’t. And you can’t let Friday know you know. She’s got some plan or something, but you can’t say anything. Howard, this is important.”
“Yeah, fine, whatever.”