Your right. I will call you niave. I shouldn’t even be replying to you. Not really. But you’re the only person I can talk to who isn’t involved.
You shouldn’t trust me. You really shouldn’t. You don’t know me and, if I were you, I wouldn’t want to. It’s nice that you do and everything and it’s really sweet that you want me to trust you but I can’t.
Your twelve? That’s really young. What are you doing writing about what you do? Where do you get your ideas from?
I love music too. I was at university taking music when I did what I did. Never give up on your dream. Never. I love the steel pan. They always sound so happy. Did you know they’re from the Carrabien? When you play them in the sun they’re so hot you can burn yourself. The drumming sounds like it’s samba. Have you ever heard it at the Brazillian carnivals? It sounds amazing.
Crime isn’t cool, Bethonie. It really isn’t. Going into crime was the worst mistake I ever made in my life. It hurts people, even those so called victimless crimes. Please don’t tell me you’re involved in crime. Never do it. Don’t succum to peer pressure or anything like that. Please.
I probably did underestimate you a little. You do seem to know about friendship and you know about how important it is.
You have a wise head on your shoulders. What you said about ignoring the problem is true. The thing is, if you’re going to try and solve a problem then you need to be listened to. I wasn’t listened to. Speaking to politicians doesn’t work, Bethonie.
You’re so clever, but so niave at the same time. You’re innocent and I like that. Don’t change.
Call me niave or stupid, but I do trust you. If I didn’t then I wouldn’t bother writing to you. And, if I didn’t trust you, then I wouldn’t try so hard to get you to trust me. I don’t know how to make you trust me. I make up lies for fun. If I were you, I wouldn’t trust me. If I tell you more about me, will that help?
I’m twelve years old and I like reading and writing. I like making music, too. I’m in a band called Drumestra. We play steel pan and different types of drums from Brazil. It’s really fun. I can’t remember the name. Something beginning with S. I want to know about crime because it’s cool, isn’t?
Looking after friends is important. I don’t have many, just one really good one. We stick together because, without each other, we’d be alone.
I don’t know why you hate yourself. Killing people is really bad but you could have done something worse. It was a quick death, wasn’t it? It wasn’t as if you tourtured them for hours and anyway, ignoring the problem is worse than trying to solve it, even if you get it wrong.
You said you can’t risk going to prison. I’m not tryinv to make you feel bad or anything but surely the Feu was as big a risk as you can get. Why did you do it? Why not just speak to them?
Trust is always an issue I have. You must try to understand. Being a teenager, you’ve probably had all the warnings about trusting people you’ve met online and everything, incase they’re some perverted old man who wants to use you. I know I can never just expect you to trust me. I don’t expect you to and I wouldn’t be suprised if you never did. Trust works both ways though. How do I know I can trust you? What I did was awful and I feel the guilt every second of my life. All I want to do is hand myself in, and I know I should have done that a long time ago, but I have other responsibilities now. I have people I need to look after and keep safe. I don’t expect you to understand it. You didn’t see him, my friend. You didn’t see what a state he got himself into when I wasn’t there. The point is, he relies on me, so I can’t just hand myself in. If I go to prison, I don’t know what he’ll do. It’s awful and I know I should but I don’t trust you. I can’t. I don’t know you. You could be anyome. I can’t risk going to prison, not now. When he’s settled and safe and ok, I’ll hand myself in. It’s not that I like being free. I don’t. It rips me apart every morning, every day and every night. I’m not even free, not really.