Letters from Davey — One —

Bethonie,

Trust is always an issue I have. You must try to understand. Being a teenager, you’ve probably had all the warnings about trusting people you’ve met online and everything, incase they’re some perverted old man who wants to use you. I know I can never just expect you to trust me. I don’t expect you to and I wouldn’t be suprised if you never did. Trust works both ways though. How do I know I can trust you? What I did was awful and I feel the guilt every second of my life. All I want to do is hand myself in, and I know I should have done that a long time ago, but I have other responsibilities now. I have people I need to look after and keep safe. I don’t expect you to understand it. You didn’t see him, my friend. You didn’t see what a state he got himself into when I wasn’t there. The point is, he relies on me, so I can’t just hand myself in. If I go to prison, I don’t know what he’ll do. It’s awful and I know I should but I don’t trust you. I can’t. I don’t know you. You could be anyome. I can’t risk going to prison, not now. When he’s settled and safe and ok, I’ll hand myself in. It’s not that I like being free. I don’t. It rips me apart every morning, every day and every night. I’m not even free, not really.

Yours sincerly,
Davey Hertz

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