To read That Talky Laughy Random Fing from the beginning, click here.
To read the last episode, click here.
THE STORY SO FAR: Howard Richy falls in love with the… Erm… fit Linda Maizen. James Mattinson has a throat condition, possibly caused by moaning too much, but… The talky laughy random fing hosts interview Linda and she turns out to be a… Well, a cow.
And we’re back in five… four… three… two… one…
HOWARD: And welcome back to the Talky Laughy Random Fing.
LEFTY: And we’re here with Linda Maizen!
JAMES: Who stole my water.
LINDA: Aw, James, you’re so adorable.
HOWARD: What are you on about, James?
JAMES: She stole my water.
LINDA: Oh, James, don’t be silly.
HOWARD: You stole his water? Wow! You’re in some deep trouble now.
JAMES: Too right! I have a serious throat condition and-
LEFTY: Lets take a look at one of Linda’s latest songs, shall we. Run the clip.
“What on earth are you lot playing at?” Lefty hisses, “We are live on air, and you pair are arguing with our guest about water?”
“It’s not just the water. It’s the principle of it.” James says, “Look, Linda, I was doing you a favour with this merge thing. Now, slagging off Friday is bad, but stealing a man’s water? I could die!”
“Wait, what’s this about Friday?” Lefty asks.
“She’s just a kid,” Linda says, “I don’t know what the big deal is.”
“The big deal is that ‘kid’ is more of a success in her short fifteen years than you ever will be,” Lefty says.
“She’s an ove advertised freak.” Linda says.
“Look, Linda, love,” Howard says, “I love you, baby, really, but I’m afraid if we can’t work this whole Friday thing out then we can’t be togther.”
“Oh, is that right?” Linda laughs.
Friday hurries down the stairs with James’ bottle of water. Before he can drink it, Linda snatches the bottle from him. Sh splashes it in Howard’s face, then pours the rest onto the floor, before marching off. Friday stares, unable to think of something to say. Madison hops on stage.
“What was all that about?” she asks.
“Whoever finds the guests for this show, I want them fired.” James says darkly. Madison laughs but, James is serious. “She’s an evil cow that woman.”
“We had another bad one last week, too.” Lefty adds.
“I’ll see what we can do,” Madison says, “In the mean time, can we try and keep this professional. This is a show, not a pub.”
“Yeah, you shouldn’t have brought it up, James.” Friday says coldly, “I’ve already got enough on my plate without some jumped up spoilt brat trying to ruin the show.”
LEFTY: Wow, that was… that was…
LEFTY: Yeah, that was something. James, what song was that?
JAMES: “Too bad for words”? Or “My voice is awful”? Niether one is very good.